


Doty, (Don't) Write this Down

by sleeplittlechild



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Vox Machina as Family - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 18:12:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14857722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleeplittlechild/pseuds/sleeplittlechild
Summary: His first night in Greyskull Keep, Taryon awoke to screaming.





	Doty, (Don't) Write this Down

**Author's Note:**

> I'm only at Ep. 93, so I don't actually know what happens to Scanlan, but I'm excited for when he comes back. But I always enjoy when people come together and find comfort. So...enjoy!

The first night in Greyskull Keep, Tary awoke to screaming.

His first instinct was that it came from himself. Okay, he’s not really the...bravest, when it comes to nightmares (He may have...soiled a few sheets in recent years...like 5) but that was neither here nor there. So waking up with a shout in his throat is no new occurrence. He only worried his new companions wouldn’t be mad at him for it.

He realized, his new companions were the ones screaming.

He jumped from the bed, grabbing the Rod of Mercurial Form and rushing out into the hall, saying a quick ‘Sword’ and brandishing before him. A battle at night - an intruder! Oh, this would be an exciting chapter for his book!

“Grog! Grog!”

The scream came from three doors down. Taryon took a step towards it when young Pike bolted past him. Still wearing her armor, even at whatever late hour it was, it didn’t seem to make any difference at all. The shifting of metal against metal fell in time with her quick steps, and the steps of six other feet. The Elf Girl, The Big Guy, and Percival were all rushing as well, in various stages of undress but with no weapons at their side, he noticed. Taryon joined them, his grasp squeezing on his sword.

Approaching the room, Tary stopped at the door and took in the scene. It was another bedroom - just like the one he came from. Vox Machina crowded in and around a bed, where Ant - Keyleth and...Vax were sitting up. Vax rocked back and forth, saying something Tary couldn’t quite hear over Keyleth’s shouting, and staring at the comforter in front of him but not really seeing it, Tary thought.

“He won’t wake up. He keeps talking, but he’s no responding to anything I’m saying. Grog!” Keyleth turned to Grog, pleading with him quickly and turning back to Vax. She reached for him and then didn’t, like she thought better of it. Her hand hovered uselessly between the two of them.

His sword dropped to his side. Tary watched Grog round the bed and crawl on top of it. It was...a rehearsed move, he thinks. A practiced art that Grog knew exactly how to do as he positioned himself behind shaking Vax. He outstretched his arms out and around Vax, then crossed them back over his clavicle, slowly pulling Vax back into his Goliath chest. Grog’s legs did the same along the bed, hanging just over the edge for a second before folding beneath him, with Vax’s legs covered at the knee joint.

Vax was an agile man in Tary’s books (well, in the one.) If Tary was in this position, he was sure he’d feel trapped and whatever panic he was in would double. But Vax didn’t feel any of those things. Tary watched the half-elf stop talking, stop rocking, and lift his head up, hair shifting against Grog’s chest. He blinked once, twice, three times.

“Vax?” Keyleth leaned in close, finally placing her hand on his shoulder.

His sister sat on the other side of him, leaning most of her weight on Grog and her forehead on her brother. “Are you back with us? What are you thinking?”

“Scanlan.”

The word must have meant something immense to the troupe. The air in the room went tense. Nobody moved a muscle for a moment. It was broken by Pike’s ungraceful climbing onto the bed. She sat herself between Vax’s legs, no doubt filling his vision and his focus. “What did you dream?”

“We let him leave.” Vax’s voice was louder now, rough and full of tears. “We let him leave like we let Tibs leave. And…” In the low candlelight, Tary could barely see Vax swallow and grimace to keep the tears at bay.

“We didn’t  _ let _ him leave. He left.” Vex affirmed.

“We could’ve stopped him if he really tried.” Vax snapped back. “And now he’s out there - Gods know where - and if he  _ dies _ , we wouldn’t know about it for  _ years _ .” Everyone hung their head. “How long was it between us saying Goodbye and Tiberius dying fighting Vorugal? Two days? A week? We didn’t know for  _ weeks! _ Wouldn’t have known if we kept putting it off.” Vax’s hands reached out to bury  (and tear) in his hair, but they couldn’t quite reach, restrained by Grog’s hold.  _ Oh _ , Tary thought _ , that’s what that was for _ . The position gave Vax free movement to reach for someone or hold an attack back, so long as it wasn’t against himself.

“He isn’t going to die, Vax.” Keyleth whispered. Vax turned towards her - towards the door, and the sconces on either side of it. Tary saw tear stains upon tear stains on an absolutely wrecked face. Vax’s brow furrowed together, like Keyleth had suddenly spoken in Druidic rather than Common.

“We have died doing all sorts of idiotic things - and he’s always been at the forefront of it.” Vax gestured wildly, pointing and waving at invisible points. “What knows what sort of trouble he could get himself into. You all heard him - he’s a liar. He’s a cheat, a scoundrel, and he - ”

“Is Scanlan Shorthalt.” Pike interrupted. She squeezed his legs and he looked at her, fixed his stare at her small form. “He’s shamed guards into submission using his songs, climbed out of a dragon’s belly, and tore through a house like a dinosaur. He’s always looked out for himself, made sure that he’ll live to sing songs another day. And he always will.”

“Pike…he...two weeks ago, we thought the same and he...”

“We gave him the gatestone.” Vex interrupted. “If something happens - ”

“He can’t use it if he’s dead!” Vax whirled around, staring down his sister (Tary assumed).

“Then Kaylie will use it.” Pike leaned a little closer, her armor shifting with her. “She’ll come get us, and we’ll go to him.”

Vax’s gaze shifted between the three ladies evenly. They crowded around him, pressing their weight into his someway. Vex tucked her head into the crook of his shoulder and on the other one Keyleth pressed her chest against it. Pike laid a hand on each leg, her own feet tucked up underneath her. They surrounded him, as if he were a dog they were corralling back to its kennel.

No, No, Tary thought. Like a raven they were coax out of its cage. Soft words, soft touches, but each gesture full of knowledge and care.

“Will she though?” Vax’s voice was soft now, whatever nightmare clouded him fading away bit by bit. “She heard us, all of us. Do you really think she’ll bring him back to  _ us _ ?”

The way Tary heard it, Vax was actually looking for an answer to that.

So Pike answered, with a confident nod. “We got her, because we knew that he loved her and she loved him. And she knows that we love her. If anything happens to Scanlan, I’m sure she’ll come get us.”

“And then Pike will heal him.” Vex added.

“Yeah, and then he’ll come home.” Grog’s low baritone, possibly the softest thing in the room, and filled with the most conviction, seemed to be the final straw for Vax. His rigid back collapsed back against Grog, whose arms went slack with the posture change. Grog tightened them again and Vax responded by wrapping them around the top forearm (as much as he could) and taking a deep breath. Keyleth laid herself against his chest, throwing an arm across what she could reach.

“I can’t lose any of you. I...I just can’t.” Vax shook his head, finally tipping his chin to his chest and hiding behind a curtain of dark hair. Vex made a sound in the back of her throat, pushing back hair that Tary couldn’t see.

“We’re right here, Vax’ildan.” Percy’s voice cut through, clean and clear as a knife. Which speaking of which, Taryon hadn’t noticed him combing through the room until he watched him walk from the wall to the bed, carrying a small dagger cupped his palm. Taryon didn’t think it was the smartest decision to hand a weapon to a man so clearly in the midst of a breakdown, but he wasn’t going to speak up. They were the professionals, they (obviously) knew what to do between each other.  (And Tary wasn’t going to suddenly reveal he’d been watching everything).

Percy held the pommel out to Vax, shifting a knee onto the bedspread and sitting on that. Tary noticed he very purposefully kept himself away from anyone, not touching them and making sure they didn’t need to touch him. There was a story in that too, but it was a far away thought to make note of. Vax took it. Tary was surprised to find it...was literally just a dagger handle, with the blade either broken off or entirely removed, but gone either way. Weighted, it seemed, as Vax’s hand dipped taking it.  His fingers wrapped around it loosely at first and then with a vice grip. His fingernails scratched across it in a methodical pattern. A stimulating piece. Maybe for these exact events. “I can’t lose you.” He said softly, not really to anyone.

“We’re all right here.” Percy repeated, just as clearly as before. Just a fact that he would repeat as often as Vax needed him to.

The room went silent again, save for Pike shifting her weight every now and then and the scrapping of nail against leather. Tension was still in the air, but without anyone knowing how exactly to break it without adding more panic. Grog’s arms shifted now and then, applying new pressure around Vax and tensing what was already there.

“Keyleth?” Keyleth’s head popped up from Vax’s chest as Vex whispered. Tary didn’t know why she whispered, it wasn’t like any of them had fallen asleep. “Can you scry?”

Vax, Percy, and Pike looked at Keyleth in sync, each with a different expression. (Pike with interest, Percy with curiosity, and Vax...Tary thought Vax looked desperate.) Keyleth cleared her throat. “Yeah...yeah, I can do that.” She spoke as her legs uncurled from the tight little ball she’d bundled into since this...happened, and crossing the room a short distance to a bundle of bags and cloth. She pulled out a small crystal ball that Taryon recognized as a Scrying Eye. Very rare, he’d read about them. That Vox Machina had one only intensified his faith in the chance of a real adventure with the group. (Barring any...future...breakdowns. From the group, not from him. He was bound to have more, probably.)

She crawled back onto the bed, and nestled down against Vax’s side and Grog’s arm. She held it in front of her, and paused. She looked at Vex, at Vax, and at Grog. “Do you...Do you think I should? I mean...you said we should give him some privacy, Grog.”

Grog quirked his mouth around, and didn’t say anything for a moment. He was thinking. (Tary didn’t think the Big Guy thought, or at least not that much or about anything important.)

“We’re just checking in on him, yeah? Like...it’s just like sending a message. Just so we know if we need to go find him.”

“Yeah. And if he’s ok, then we’ll let him be. Give him his space.”

“Yeah. Yeah.” Keyleth nodded eagerly, re-positioning herself and looking into the Scrying Eye.

“Can you use your magic so that we can all see….” Grog’s voice trailed off, whatever he was going to say next swallowed in his throat.

Keyleth’s focus wavered. “N...no.” She bit at her lip, her long fingernails going  _ tink-tink _ as they clinked against the Eye. “But...but I’ll tell you everything I see, as I see it. That way...you’ll kind of be able to see it too.”

“That sounds wonderful Keyleth.” Percy leaned forward, placing his hand for just a moment on her foot, giving it a shake, and then letting go. Keyleth nodded, took a deep breath, and focused.

No one else of Vox Machina dared to speak. Tary kept silent.

“He’s asleep...it’s nighttime. I don’t see any stars, I don’t know how late...Kaylie’s with him. They’re camping in a forest...it’s not dense. They’ve got a fire going...it’s strong.”

“How does he look? Is he okay?” The words were rough, struggling to get over the lump in Vax’s throat as he tried not to cry again.

“I...I can’t see. His back is turned...but his clothes look good.” A small chuckle bubbled from each member. “They’re not ripped or burned or…”

“Soiled?” Percy offered. Pike shoved him, playfully.

“Wait...he’s not sleeping. He just turned over. He’s awake, he’s...he’s drawing something.” Keyleth’s eyebrows knitted together. She turned the Eye this way and that, and seemingly when that didn’t work, started to do the same with her head to get a better look. “V...M…” Keyleth blinked and the scry ended. Her hands fell to her lap.

“He misses us.” Pike perked up and the armor made a little noise like it itself was happy. She looked at her friends, whose expressions hadn’t changed in the same way. “...should we go to him?”

A pause, and Vex shook her head. “No.” Her eyes looked far away. Tary wondered what powers she had - had she actually seen the scry? “We know that he’s safe, and that he still loves us. That’s all we need to know. He wanted...time, with his daughter, time to figure everything out. We can give that to him, yeah?” She looked up at Grog.

Grog nodded. “We’ve got time. Right, buddy?”

Pike nodded back. She leaned forward, placing her small Gnomish hand over Vax’s on the handle. “Yeah. We’ve got time. He’ll come home. It’ll be ok.”

Vax nodded, his long hair shaking but not lifting up to look at her. Tary heard a sniffle. “I know, it’s just…” With the hand not fiddling with the handle, Vax made a vague motion around his head. “I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“I know. Nobody expects you to stop thinking about it just because we tell you it’ll be okay. So we’ll tell you it’s ok tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that. And sometimes, you’ll tell us.” Pike reached up with her other hand, pushing back hair that Tary couldn’t see. “It’s ok.” Vax nodded again.

Silence, again.

Percy cleared his throat, and moved a little closer. His knee pressed against Vax’s leg, where Pike’s hand had been.

_ Hail to Vox Machina, _

_ Hail to Victory _

_ ‘Till Scanlan comes back to us, _

_ We’ll keep sur-viv-ing _

A heartier laugh rang out from the group. Vax finally looked up at Percy with a watery smile. “Not your best work, Freddy.”

Percy shook his head in response. “Yes, well...Scanlan is the one best suited for wordsmithing. I’m just the guy who has terrible ideas. Which, speaking of terrible ideas - move over.”

Vax raised an eyebrow. “What for?”

Percy stood up. He had run in with a leather apron over his shirt and still wearing his boots and only just now began to take them off. “I’m having the terrible idea that your bed is not big enough for 5 people and a bear to sleep on, but Gods above are we going to try.”

“Oh! It’s a giant sleepover!” Keyleth bounced up, clapping her hands together excitedly. Vex did, too and suddenly there was a bear emerging from dark shadows on the other side of the bed. He yawned a deep roar and trudged up to his humans, sniffing about and receiving head scratches from Vex. Probably by animal instincts, he turned to the doorway and Tary made the split-second decision to duck out of view, just to the side, before being seen.

The sound of metal hitting the hardwood floor was a cacophonous sound. Tary wondered if this was all commonplace in the Keep enough that none of the servants bothered to come investigating. Perhaps their rooms were far away and they didn’t hear any commotion at all. Taryon had certainly had servants who lived in town and left each night and came back at morning. Perhaps Vox Machina’s did the same.

“Uh...Grog...I need to lie down. And you’re not gonna sleep well if you’re all tangled up around me.” Vax’s voice seemed steadier, more sure now.

“Can you breathe, now?”

It must have been some sort of code, because of course Vax could breathe. He wasn’t dead now. But Tary heard Vax (or someone) take in a deep breath. “Yeah...yeah I’m, I’m good. You did good, Big Guy. Thank you.”

“Because I can keep holding on - it’s no big deal. If you need it - ”

“No, no - it’s fine. I...I think I’m okay now. Just...just…” Somebody must’ve shifted on top of him, because whatever Vax was struggling to say was cut off with a sudden “Oof!” and a trio of giggles. Vax eventually joined in that laughter.

“Don’t leave me.” He said, quieter.

“Not on your life.” Pike said.

“I’m quite afraid you’re stuck with us.” Percy laughed.

“You’d have to do something... _ really _ horrible for us to leave. Like...like  _ worse _ than burning a flying carpet. Like...like...” Vex groaned and Keyleth stopped talking.

“ _ Don’t _ give him ideas, Darling.” Keyleth made a noise of acknowledgment. Tary walked away.

When he got to his room, Doty was waiting patiently at the door. The book and quill were at the ready, as they ever were. “Doty...take this down.” Doty was posed at the ready. Taryon sat on the bed, raking a hand down his face. “My first night in the home of my companions, I have come to learn that alongside the bright glory of adventuring, ghosts follow heroes as well. And they are not as easily defeated as the beasts and villains we may face. However, surrounded by friends, I believe that Vox Machina has found the solution to keeping the ghosts at bay.”

Doty’s quill ran across the paper. Tary closed his eyes, just listening to the  _ scritch-scratch _ of each letter. He thought of Vax, slowly relaxing as each member of his family held onto him, refusing to let him fall into the darkness of his own anxiety, even through the smallest, briefest of touch.

Tary thought how Vax had hidden his face, hidden away how scared he was till it was too late. Never wanting to seem vulnerable, never wanting to seem...broken.

“Doty...delete that last entry.”


End file.
